Translation for my foreign readers (Yes, I have foreign readers! The counter below says it all!): Taba is the Tagalog word for fat. Juba and Jubz are Tagalog gay lingo words which means mataba or (again) fat. Chabs is short for chubby.
I've been called this names more than a hundred times in my whole 28 years of existence. I try to laugh at it during my sunny days. It's just that I can't seem to see the sun shine on me lately.
I was small and slim in my childhood. My mother called me Petite. Being fat wasn't my problem, then. It was being dark-skinned.
I started gaining weight in high school. I think the puberty stage made me eat more and the growing assignments made me less active. I played less and sat more. In between the reading and the writing was the snacking. That was what made me fat.
In my third year of high school, I was already weighing 124 lbs. at 5 foot flat! Friends and family started noticing the weight gain. Thus, the name calling began. Not to mention the pressure that I got from their constant hideous comments.
Two days ago, a daughter of a (Filipino) celebrity made the news by being a survivor of a coma. She got that from downing Chinese slimming pills. I did not get the exact details of what happened to her. It was said that she bought the slimming pills in a popular mall. The pills' active ingredient was Phentermine. It is supposed to be a prescription drug.
I tried Phentermine in my early college years. I guess the pressure was just too much. (Plus, my sister was a budding pharmacist so I was able to buy with prescription.) The results were instant, I lost pounds in a week. When I used phentermine, my appetite was supressed. I did not feel like eating at all. I was always awake and alert. After a few days I experienced dryness in my throat. I was still thirsty even if I drank lots of water. I became giddy most of the time. I also remembered a time when my heart began to palpitate, my heartbeat faster than a cheetah. That was when I decided to stop.
Fast forward----------------------> I got married, gave birth---------------> I was bigger than when I was in high school! The name-calling never stopped.
Believe me, I try to lose weight. I ate less, moved more, did every diet I can think of. I tried South Beach Diet before, but my kidney suffered. Seems I'm not the kind of person that can survive on protein alone. Now, I just do water therapy. My mom was the first one who tried it and it made her blood sugar stay at the normal levels. I am also planning to play badminton regularly now that I found a center that's just near our place. I don't stock our ref with softdrinks anymore, I drink green tea more often.
My husband always reminds me of how beautiful and sexy I am in his eyes. But all these years of name-callings and pressures have taken it's toll on my self-confidence. Thank God I have a husband who can push the clouds away and let the sun shine on me. Or else, I would have been drowned in self-depression.
I chanced upon Dementia's blog on the Pinoy Top Blogs list and read about size acceptance. She writes about being disgusted about people who equate being fat with being unhealthy. I couldn't agree more. I try to lose weight because I am diabetic and I need to be more on the healthy side. I think the worse problem with obese people is not the aesthetic but, rather, the health issue. But then, don't you think the worst problem of all would be the people around them who torture their self-confidence every day?
